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Hey. I’m Ellie, and up until recently, I was a total mess.
I started this blog a couple of years ago with intentions of sharing tips and tricks on how to improve ones life and be environmentally and politically conscious.
However, I actually hadn’t implemented a lot of these practices into my own life,
and felt fraudulent. God, I couldn’t do it, so I left it and went on my journey.
Shit went sour, since then I have been diagnosed with illness and have allowed my life to descend into near chaos and despair. Crap.
Throughout the winter I couldn’t work due to a medicine side effect I suffered from which affects my eyes, rendering me essentially blind in random attacks. Mildly traumatising to say the least, but alas, we are on the mend and back working now.
However, over winter, my life had spiralled into a deep hole of sadness. I felt powerless. Disheartened. Cold. I spent my days in bed, avoiding uni work and life in general. Spending what money I did have on going out and spending time with friends. For them I am grateful, as I would be lost without those social connections.
Recently, though, things began to change. The past couple of months, finally I was starting to face things and stand up to being responsible for my own life. I had literally no idea what had happened, then I realised….
Around December time, I started using affirmations. Now I had played around with them before, but I actually started using them every day and throughout the day. Nothing changed for months, not really, but I persevered.
In the past, I had screeds of affirmations written on paper and planned to read them in the mornings. This didn’t work – I didn’t do it.
What I did do, almost by accident, was discover 3 affirmations that had meaning for me.
“I can do this.”
“I am strong.”
“I am safe.”
Simple, right? They are. But that’s what I think might work best. Or, at least, they did for me. In only the past couple of months suddenly I started to feel more confident in myself and my capabilities, and started working on things I hadn’t in a long time. It felt great.
Still though, I was up and down. Although these affirmations were starting to take hold, and I would automatically use them whenever I felt powerless, I still had big dips in my mood which were counterproductive. I still allowed myself to spiral downwards, THAT was awful.
So, what was I going to do?
When all is lost, what can one do? Then I remembered an ancient teaching I have came across many times, yet failed to really understand or implement into my life.
“Our thoughts create our reality.”
Sounds like ambiguous pop-spirituality crap, doesn’t it? How on Earth does that work? Yet, suddenly after months of being in disarray, my affirmations had given me the confidence and yearning to actually see if this shizz worked. If they were starting to work, then why couldn't this?
I remember the day I decided to do it. I was working a shift as a housekeeper in a hotel, I was on my own in one of the rooms and was contemplatively looking out the window at the city skyline. I felt myself starting to think unhelpful thoughts, then remembered this teaching.
“Screw it.” I thought, “Let’s give this a try”. I immediately “cancelled” my negative thoughts, replacing them with positive counter thoughts. And when I noticed myself spiralling from then on, I would consciously decide to choose better thoughts.
LOW AND BEHOLD, two weeks later, I have the steadiest mood I have felt in months and the most energy I can remember having since childhood. I feel motivated and ready to take on the world. Simply from changing my thoughts.
Suddenly the teaching that our thoughts create reality made sense to me, at least in some ways. I changed my thoughts and it changed me. Now I can go ahead and change my reality however I please. But it all started with me.
“Change starts within” is another quote I see touted on Instagram every so often. “How?” I suppose I would think, or mindlessly scroll by.
Yet, it is wholly true.
This discovery motivated me to restart this blog, and actually share the things I am going to do and how they benefit my life. Not just preaching ideas I read about yet fail to implement.
Finally, I am actually taking control of my mind, and by proxy my life. It feels hugely freeing.
I have meditated, perhaps a couple of times a week if I am honest for a while and I think this has helped me be able to spot my negative thoughts to allow me to change them. However finding the motivation to sit down and do this is difficult, and even I don’t still with discipline. Yet, I am beginning to feel ready.
I am beginning to feel ready to do a lot of things.
I know, know, that it is down to me changing my thoughts. And, persevering with my affirmations. These changes I am experiencing started within me, my mind, my being. And now, my external reality is beginning to reflect these inner shifts. It is actually pretty awesome.
If you, like me, are in disarray with your life, I suggest 2 things:
CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS: by trying to notice when you are having a self-depreciating or judgemental thought about yourself, and simply replace it with something positive about yourself.
Start with some affirmations, easy ones you can remember and no more than 3, write them down anywhere you can see them and try remember to use them throughout the day and before bed.
That’s it for now. That’s all. One lesson I have learnt on my journey, is not to do everything at once because you will almost certainly fail and feel like you can’t do anything. Simply change your thoughts, and if you like play around with affirmations, and see how your mood and lif
e change in the next couple of weeks.
Good luck, life changers, hmu in the comments to let me know how you get on with these practices!
Peace and Love always,
El x